Conflict and the Desert Fathers, Polka Power Rankings, and a Prayer Check In
Happy Feast of the Ascension!
This is the one that gets moved around for no good reason I think? Anyway, happy feast, hope you're doing something to celebrate in lieu of, you know, socializing.
Get It It's Like We're the Desert Fathers Because We're All In Cells That's Like Our Houses Right Now, That's Hilarious and Not At All Upsetting, Ha Ha Ha
Hello and welcome back to week eight, for me, of discerning a monastic vocation that you definitely don't have. After reading St. Therese, I was struck by how she always turned from conflict wherever possible, and would submit herself--even to false accusation--without any hint of discomfort. This reminded me of the desert mothers and fathers, who I simultaneously love and hate. I thought I'd toss a couple sayings in here and explain a bit why. All quotes taken from here.
Abba Poemen said to Abba Joseph, ‘Tell me how to become a monk.’ He said, ‘If you want to find rest here below all circumstances say, ‘Who am I? and do not judge anyone.’
This is really the core of what I love about the desert parents (that's funny and you can't convince me otherwise). Just pure, unadulterated humility and charity. This virtue is what I adore and wish to cultivate myself. It's so natural for me to get upset with others about what they're doing--both irl and online, submitting to the foul demon of Take-Having--and so odd to simply humble myself and accept what is said, to assume charity and move on. Imagine being able to do that consistently. Unbelievably powerful.
The abbot Antony, being at a loss in his meditation on the depth of the judgments of God, prayed, saying, “Lord, why do some die in so short a space of life, and some others live to the far side of decrepit old age: and why some in want, and others rich with various means of wealth, and how are the unrighteous rich and the righteous oppressed by poverty?” And a voice came to him saying, “Antony, turn thine eyes upon thyself: for these are the judgments of God, and the knowledge of them is not for thee.”
me, dumb: buhhh God why do bad things happen
God, wise:
Alternatively: this vine.
The abbot Moses asked the abbot Silvanus, saying, “Can a man every day make a beginning of the good life?” The abbot Silvanus answered him, “If he be diligent, he can every day and every hour begin the good life anew.”
To end on a wholesome note, this is something I have to remind myself of often in these days. Even if you have a bad morning, or day, or month, or year, you can always re-attune yourself to the present moment and begin anew with Christ. This is the first day of the rest of your life. What a blessing that is!
A Journey Through Weird Al's Polka Discography
I am a huge Weird Al fan. Not only do I think his music is incredibly clever and funny, he has a genuinely good voice. And he's a genuinely good guy! But that's beside the point. I've been listening to Weird Al since I was in middle school (I remember buying "I Lost on Jeopardy" off iTunes for $0.99), and during my senior year of high school, I spent two weeks listening through his entire discography--nothing else, just Weird Al. It was a spiritual experience.
Anyway, I feel qualified to judge his music now. Weird Al fans might know that on almost every album he releases, there's a polka mashup of many of the songs that are popular around the album's release. What makes this extra special is that the man's been releasing albums since 1983, and as recently as 2014. We're talking music that spans generations. So without further ado, here's my ranking of the 12 polka tracks on Weird Al's 14 studio albums.
12. Bohemian Polka (Alapalooza, 1993)
There's nothing wrong with this track. It's just Bohemian Rhapsody done in a polka style. It's fine.
11. The Hot Rocks Polka (UHF, 1989)
This one is a Rolling Stones-themed tribute, so it's all Stones songs. Which, again, is fine. The Stones are good. It's just mostly the songs, one after the other, in the polka style. That's not quite where Weird Al really shines.
10. Polkas on 45 (In 3-D, 1984)
Now we're onto the real medleys. This one takes us from Devo's "Jocko Homo" to Deep Purple's "Smoke on the Water", The Doors' "LA Woman" to Foreigner's "Hot Blooded". It's a solid mix, and there's the introduction of a classic polka-slowdown transition in this one.
9. Polka Party (Polka Party, 1986)
This is the first track in the ranks where we see Weird Al start to shine through the track. What I mean by that is there's a little more chaos afoot. From the breaking glass noises behind Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" to his exclamation of "I like this part!" right before Falco's "Rock Me Amadeus" plays, you can tell he's a little more comfortable in the style. The song selection is a little better, too. (I am, admittedly, biased against tracks I'm less familiar with song-wise).
8. Hooked on Polkas (Dare To Be Stupid, 1985)
This has a lot of similar features as "Polka Party", but I think the song selection is a tad better. ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man", Tina Turner's "What's Love Got to Do With It", Yes' "Owner of a Lonely Heart", and "99 Luftballoons" in the original German! Weird Al's range really shines here: the more eclectic the mix of songs and genres, the better.
7. The Alternative Polka (Bad Hair Day, 1996)
This track focuses on a specific genre, but does it exceedingly well. The combination of Weird Al being who he is--a delightfully dorky man--and the angst of Beck's "Loser" and Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun" make for a sublime juxtaposition. If you haven't enjoyed Weird Al, I dare you to listen to him sing "Despite all this rage / I am still just a rat in a cage" while playing an accordion. It's incredible. This track also starts bringing (in the ranks, not chronologically) the big finishes to the medleys, which I think is a great addition.
6. Polka Your Eyes Out (Off the Deep End, 1992)
The first 20 seconds of this track include "Rock the Cradle of Love" into the iconic "Tom's Diner" opening into "Love Shack". That might be the best three song set in any track. It's a consistent 90s track, going as far as "Enter Sandman" and returning with "Ice Ice Baby". I don't think there's anything out of the ordinary on this track, besides a drum solo, but the opening numbers and a shockingly smooth "The Humpty Dance" place this one firmly in the top half.
5. Angry White Boy Polka (Poodle Hat, 2003)
Not only is the name hilarious, but "Angry White Boy Polka" accomplishes most of what "The Alternative Polka" set out to do seven years prior. With the addition of hard rock/metal classics like "Last Resort", "Chop Suey!", and "Down With the Sickness", Weird Al produces an overall higher quality track. The transitions between songs are shorter, but feel more polished in their use of sound effects. Bonus points for including a [checks notes] Christian nu metal track? That's "Youth of the Nation" by P.O.D., for those playing at home. Also, our first rap track in "The Real Slim Shady"!
4. Polka Face (Alpocalypse, 2011)
Being the second most-recent track, the production value is a bit higher overall, but I don't think there's anything significant about this one that sticks out! It's just good. Full of songs I remember growing up with in "Poker Face", "I Kissed a Girl", "Fireflies", "Replay", it's just done well. A bit of trivia: there are underlying polka tracks that are used for every song in this list, and this one switches to one called "The Tick Tock Polka" by Frankie Yankovic (no relation) right before Kesha's "TiK ToK" plays. The man does not miss.
3. Polka Power! (Running with Scissors, 1999)
In my mind, this is the definitive 90s Weird Al polka track. We get some Smashmouth ("Walking on the Sun"), some Spice Girls ("Wannabe"), some Backstreet Boys ("Backstreet's Back"), and almost everything in between. The finish with, of course, "Closing Time" is not only themed but incredibly smooth. Like "Polka Face", it's just a top to bottom good track.
2. NOW That's What I Call Polka! (Mandatory Fun, 2014)
This is probably the best all-around track. The random sound effects and transitions are deployed with immaculate timing and they add character to every part of the song. It's the work of an old master who's comfortable having fun. From his guttural vocalizations in One Direction's "Best Song Ever" to his interjections in Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" ("he's in that big old coat / it's large!"), it's Weird Al for the Weird Al fans. We even get some 2010s memes in "Gangnam Style" and "Sexy and I Know It".
1. Polkarama! (Straight Outta Lynwood, 2006)
This is the track I show people when I want to talk about the polka medleys. It has the highest cross-genre credibility (literally from the "Chicken Dance" to 50 Cent's "Candy Shop") as well as, well, playing the hits. Appearances of songs from Franz Ferdinand, Weezer, Coldplay, Modest Mouse, Gorillaz, and The Killers capture the era impeccably. The closing track, a barbershop quartet-styled cover of Kanye West's "Gold Digger", is the best song on any track he's done in this series. Not only is the production value there, his creativity and range of vocals are on full display.
Please feel free to reply with your cheers, jeers, how-dare-yous, or other commentary on the rankings! I'd love to hear your thoughts.
How's Your Prayer Life? A Brief Check-In
I was listening to the latest episode of Clerically Speaking today (which, huge plug, the fathers and Sr. Theresa Aletheia nail the modesty/chastity discourse better than anyone tweeting could) and among other things, the fact that men don't initiate spiritual conversation out of the blue came up. Which, true. I don't ask others how their spiritual lives or prayer lives are going as much as I'd want to; I think it's just not a natural thing for me to ask for that kind of vulnerable conversation among friends! So, since I can't do that irl, I figured I'd write a little bit about my prayer life here.
Prayer in quarantine is both better and worse than I expected. Better in that as of a month ago, we started having drive-in adoration at my parish, and I've been there every weekday. So I'm showing up, which is good, and I'm still praying the Divine Office every day. I find it really hard to concentrate on mental prayer though. I can pray for intentions, I can do spiritual reading, I can pray the rosary or divine mercy chaplet, but I have a very hard time just sitting there and telling Jesus what's on my mind for more than, like, five minutes. I think this is in part due to my attention span being totally corrupted by the internet, part because I haven't tried to do this regularly in a long time, and part because, well, there's not too much going on these days!
I'm trying to reverse the first trend there by staying off Twitter and trying to read physical books more. Spiritual reading has been particularly efficacious for me as of late (as I won't shut up about St. Therese) but I realized that outside of the Office, I'm not reading Scripture at all. So I'm trying to get a couple chapters in when I pray at adoration.
One last observation is that it's very hard for me to pray outside of adoration or in church. I wish that wasn't the case but it is. It's hard for me to find silence at home to do so, but I'm going to make an effort if the opportunity arises. Please pray for me, and I will pray for you!
In Christ,
Hunter "have you ever heard of Bibleman? well, he's on tiktok now" Lantzman